11 Signs that Scream Red Flags in Your Relationship
In looking back at a troubled relationship, you can sometimes see early signs that you were headed down a rough path.
Yet, spotting signs that scream red flags isn’t always as simple as you think!
What Are Red Flags
Red flags are the tiny signals that make the inner voice say, “something’s off.”
They may not always mean the end of things but knowing your non-negotiables can help you decide when to walk away, especially during the initial stages of the relationship.
While healthy relationships involve respect, integrity, and equal give and take, red flags are the early warnings of unhealthy traits that might damage a person or persons in the relationship.
So, what could some of these signs be?
11 signs that scream red flags in your relationship
Please note that this list is inexhaustive and could differ from person to person. However, it serves as a signpost or an indicator of what red flags are.
# 1 Love bombing
Love bombing means being showered with grand gestures or flattery that’s disproportionate to where you are in your relationship.
The likes of being whisked off to Paris on your first date or being told you’re “soulmates” even before you’ve met are examples of love bombing.
# 2 Inconsistency
Inconsistency is when there’s a disconnect between what’s been said to you and what’s been done.
It’s advisable to believe a person’s actions more than their words.
The advice would be to believe the patterns and not the apologies.
# 3 Hating Their Exes
If you’re with someone who often hates their former partner, you should be on guard as well.
They often portray themselves as the victim and tell stories about how they were victimised by their “crazy” ex.
Their hatred for their “crazy ex” could be a sign of a red flag!
# 4 Never Apologises nor Means It When They Do
It’s impossible to build anything sustainable if you’re with someone who refuses to acknowledge or self-reflect when they act poorly, selfishly, or make mistakes.
Therefore, if you’re dating someone who never apologises nor means it when they do, it could be a sign of a red flag.
# 5 Selfish
To be selfish means not showing interest in you or always putting their needs first while ignoring yours.
A good partner will work towards the highest good for your relationship.
If you’re with someone who always watches out for their own interests above yours, it could be a sign of a red flag.
# 6 Disagreeableness
It’s difficult to resolve conflicts with someone who is disagreeable.
Arguing with them often leads to bigger problems.
The reverse is the case when an argument ensues in a healthy relationship.
Instead of escalating things out of proportion, issues are resolved amicably to achieve the desired outcome.
The lack of willingness to resolve conflicts agreeably is a sign of a red flag.
# 7 Anger Issues or Jealousy
Anger or jealousy can also be signs of a red flag.
It usually manifests when the other person goes off in a rage when you bring up a matter with them.
Rather than try to resolve the issues with you, they become defensive or verbally or physically abusive.
# 8 Gaslighting or Blame-shifting.
Gaslighting or blame-shifting is when someone attempts to divert your attention away from their faults by blaming you.
Here, they may alter the facts to make something look different from what it is.
Even when you communicate how you feel, you may encounter dismissive responses, like “you’re acting out of proportion” or “you’re too sensitive. “
Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused or questioning your reality in a relationship.
You’re made to feel like the one who’s at fault.
Sometimes, they assign motives to your actions, opposite to your intentions.
# 9 The Fear of Speaking Up
When you’re unable to be vulnerable about something that affects you in your relationship, you might feel as though you’re walking on eggshells.
You should be able to voice your needs without feeling judged, ashamed, or made to feel like an idiot.
Because a good relationship isn’t brittle, vulnerability should strengthen it.
This is not to be confused with “dumping”, which is when you say the same thing repeatedly or make someone else responsible for your happiness.
Often, it’s difficult to know if we are being treated poorly or if we need to stand up for ourselves.
That’s why it’s important to speak to someone outside your relationship, whose opinion you trust. This way, you have a different perspective outside your own.
And will also have a clear insight of where your relationship is headed.
#10 Charming in Public Yet Mean at Home
It’s a red flag when the person you’re in a relationship with is charming in public but mean to you at home.
They can quickly turn on the nice guy or girl in public but lack empathy and kindness towards you in private.
# 11 Coercion
If someone forces you to do something by issuing threats, know it as a sign of a toxic relationship.
It could be forcing you to make financial or sexual decisions, telling you how to dress, or isolating you from friends and family.
Now that we’ve looked at how red flags present themselves in relationships, let’s look at the steps you can take to help you approach your relationships mindfully.
Steps towards making mindful and meaningful relationship decisions
Here are some actions you can take to help you approach your relationships more meaningfully and mindfully.
Follow Your Gut Feelings
Follow your gut feelings.
You may want to give a rational explanation for a terrible situation or attitude, but if your gut is telling you to leave, walk away.
Don’t commit to a long-term relationship with such a person.
Ask yourself, “Does my soul feel safe with this person?”
Sometimes, we’re so desperate to make it work that we end up abandoning ourselves in the process.
Set Your Boundaries
It’s essential to set your boundaries.
When you don’t set boundaries, you accept things you usually wouldn’t take in any other relationship.
This could mean tolerating unacceptable behaviour.
You should have boundaries and know your worth. Don’t lower your standards.
Ignoring red flags because you’re afraid to be alone or because you’re in love with someone’s potential will cost you later.
Keep in mind, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck!
Please leave your comments below.
Dr Jai Panesar lives in the United Kingdom